the struggle is real. || how god is working in my life.

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. || 1 Peter 5:10

This is me being completely real and transparent. I am not going to lie or try and hide the fact that I have been struggling. Hard. The past few months have been really emotionally distressful and tough. I have been upset, frustrated, sad, worried, anxious, and even angry. Which is totally normal, and okay.

I am going to share what I have been going through emotionally and physically on my walk with Christ with you guys, and what God has taught me through all of this pain and heartache. I also want this to be a reminder to you, that is is okay to feel all the emotions. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to be upset, angry, worried. It is okay to struggle and have bad days. It is all okay. It is normal, we all struggle and go through tough trials. I personally think our society has made it so hard to grieve and struggle, because people think it is wrong or they are failing, which is not true at all. So, I want this to be encouragement to you that no matter what you are going through, you can conquer it through Christ, and it is okay to grieve and struggle.

“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. || Romans 8:37″

To start, for all of you who don’t know me… I am a competitive dancer and dancing is a big passion of mine. // In March I started experiencing a hip injury. I started seeing a hip surgeon, doing physical therapy, trying injections.. and nothing was helping.

Last month I was told by my surgeon that my injury was getting lots worse, and that I needed surgery to fix my injury. The recovery process after surgery is 6-8 months, which means I will have to take a year off of dance and pom. This was brutal for me when I first found out. You never think “oh I won’t be able to do what I love” until it happens to you. The past month has been SO tough emotionally, physically, and mentally.

The first few months I was really frustrated and worried. Worried about what the future would hold, worried about how severe my injury was, and even worried if I would ever be able to dance again. After I found out that I would have to take a year off of dancing, it absolutely broke my heart. I then started to get really angry at God. Angry that He was putting me through this battle, and angry that He was taking away a passion of mine.

There would be days that I would sit and cry for hours, and just feel so lost and alone. I felt so broken. There would be days where I would put all the blame on God. It was rough.

A couple weeks went by, and I started reading a new devotional book.. and something in particular stuck out to me. “God is working in you to trust Him more than ever, and displaying for others His presence and goodness. Yes, goodness. Your life is a testimony. It’s about others seeing Christ and His power in you so they will want Him too.” || This hit me hard. It made me really think about how I could apply that to my life and how could I use this truth to overcome my battle.

When I found this verse it instantly gave me so much comfort, and reminded me that even when we walk through the toughest battles in life, God never leaves us. He is there in times of trouble, and He will restore you. It reminded me that all of the pain and emotions that I have been feeling, is for an exact purpose and it is all apart of God’s amazing plan.

God never left me, even when I felt so alone and afraid.

With all of this being said, I have experienced MANY emotions through this trial, but I have also found the opportunity to be grateful and celebrate what I have been able to do, and what God has in store for me in the future. I have used all of this pain and heartache to push me to become to best person that I can be. Even though this year has been rough, I am so thankful for for what I have experienced and how much God has taught me through it.

Something that I have began to remind myself daily, especially on the hard days, is that God’s plan is bigger than mine.

I wanted to share this and be super real and honest with you guys, to hopefully encourage you in some way. I pray that my story this past few months can impact you, and you can apply these things that I have learned to your life as well. No matter how alone you may feel, God is with you always. He will help guide you, through the good and the bad, and He will be your rock. Trust His plan and the path He is leading you down. You’ve got this, keep pushing and trusting Him!

If you ever need to talk or need encouragement, please don’t hesitate to message me! I love you!!

Thank you so much for reading! Much love, Carsyn Claire!